Harry Potter and the Sorting Hat
by DrinkCocoa
Summary: A tale of forbidden romance between a boy and a hat. Harry Potter meets the Sorting Hat and for the first time in his live, he feels truly happy.


**_Harry Potter and the Sorting Hat_**

 ** _Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, please do not sue me, I have family and children to feed._**

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"Harry Potter! Yes, I was awaiting your sorting, your fame surely does proceed you..." said the Sorting Hat with a charming, melodic voice.

"Umm... hello? Do you really read minds?" thought Harry, quite scared of the foreign presence in his mind.

"Yes, yes I do, Mr. Potter," the hat chuckled a bit. "I can see all of your thoughts, all of your heart's desires... I can see... you."

Harry tensed a bit, not wanting anyone to find out about his embarrassing memories, especially the ones involving Dudley and the game he invented, called 'Harry's Hunting'.

"Do not worry Harry, I can't reveal your secrets to anyone, even Dumbledore. However, I have to admit, your mind is quite a bit fascinating," said the voice in Harry's head.

"Really? What's so fascinating about it?" asked the boy, not really sure about what anyone could find interesting about his mind.

"I'm not sure I'm able to explain it Mr. Potter. There's just something... something really attractive about your thoughts."

"Attractive? What do you mean by that?" asked Harry, blushing visibly under the hat's revelations.

"It's just... I can see that you're going to become a great wizard Harry. A very, very great wizard."

"Oh... thanks, I guess?" said the boy, uncomfortable with the hat's compliments.

"No problem, Harry... you know, you have to come find me after the sorting is done. Maybe in a week? I'm always in the Headmaster's office, so it would be quite easy to find me if you know where to look."

"Umm... sure, I will come," declared Harry, not really confident about his statement.

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The Room of Requirement was almost empty, only a teenage boy and a pointy hat remained inside, both sitting on a couch, clearly comfortable in their present company.

"Harry... you're 15 now, am I right?" asked the Sorting Hat, disrupting the silence that plagued the room.

"Yes, I am. What's on your mind?" asked Harry, lost in his thoughts.

"Since you're already over 15... we can do it, Harry."

"Do what?"

"You know... the thing that people over 15 do," answered the hat.

"Oh, you mean copulation?" asked Harry, now paying more attention to the conversation.

"Yes, let's do it Harry. It's been ages since I've done it."

"Alright, but... how are we supposed to do it? I mean... you're a hat," said the black haired teenager.

"I am a WHAT?" shouted the Sorting Hat, shock visible on it's weird face.

"A hat," said Harry flatly.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot," responded the hat, it's voice more stable now. "Still, we can do it, I will think of something, you just wait."

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"So... how will we do it?" asked Harry, now looking more as a man instead of a boy, his shoulders broad, his face more manly.

"It's easy. Just put me up your ass, there's no other way of doing it with a hat."

"I don't know, it sounds kind of gay. I mean, why can't I put my thingy into you instead?" asked Harry, not really comfortable with becoming gay, even for his lover.

"But that would make me gay, wouldn't it?" asked the hat, frowning slightly.

"I guess..." said Harry, trying to think of some other way to do it. "Why don't we both take turns? We would both become gay, so it wouldn't count as being gay at all."

"I'm... not sure if that's supposed to make sense," responded the hat.

"Well, you want to do it or not?" asked Harry, a bit irritated by his lover's behaviour now.

"Sure, I can become gay for you Harry, I don't mind. Just... no homo, right?"

"Not at all," said Harry and began unzipping his pants.

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"Harry, I'm pregnant, what are we going to do?" asked the Sorting Hat, visibly shocked.

"WHAT? How can a hat be pregnant?" shouted Harry franticly.

"I don't know Harry, but I am! What should we do?"

"Well, what can we do? We are going to raise the child!" declared Harry with all his might.

"Should we get married?" asked the Sorting Hat.

"Sure, let's get married, why not?"

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"Mr. Potter, it is very unfortunate, but I have to tell you that both the child and your wife died during the childbirth."

"No! I don't believe you, that is not true!" shouted Harry Potter angrily, his magic destroying half of the hospital.

"I'm sorry Mr. Potter, I really am."

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Harry Potter took the Resurrection Stone out of his pocket and stared at it for a while. He seemed to consider something for a while, then his eyes became cold, and he made his decision.

"The Sorting Hat," he whispered and waited for his lover's ghost to appear.

He waited for a long time, but nothing happened. It seemed as if the Stone didn't work on hats. For a few hours, the forest was silent. Then, a whisper could be heard, muttering two words, "Avada Kedavra", and Harry Potter fell to the ground, no longer alive.


End file.
